The Gambling Lady

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says 
she wants to open a savings account.  The accounts person asks 
her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and 
the little old lady says, "Three million dollars."  

The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and 
the little old lady says, "Cash.  I've got it here in this 
bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the 
lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with 
big denominations.

This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses 
herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. 
He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to 
handle it personally.

Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got 
so much money. 

She says, "Gambling."  

"Gambling?", he says.  "What sort of gambling?"

"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I 
usually win.  For example, I've got $100,000 right here that 
says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll 
even give you 4:1 odds.  You got $25,000 you'd be willing to 
wager on that?"

The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from 
a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president 
of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about 
money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that 
sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...
there's no way you can win a bet like that!"

The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what 
I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to.  
Is it a bet?"

"Ok, have it your way", said the president, and they shook 
hands on it.

"See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, 
and with that she left.

Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a 
younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank 
president's office.  The president is a nervous wreck, though 
a happy one.  He'd gotten almost no sleep the night before, 
waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for 
impending squareness, but nothing happened all night.  He had 
checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; 
perfectly normal.  When the little old lady arrived he started 
to relax, knowing he had won.

"Come in, please have a seat!  Who might this gentleman be?" 
said the president.

"He's my lawyer.  For a bet of this size I want to have a 
witness.  Any objections?"

"No, perfectly understandable", said the president.  "Well, 
it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he 
said happily.

"Not so fast!" said the little old lady.  "For a hundred 
grand I want to verify things personally!  Please drop your 

The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her 
position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants.  The 
little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the 
organs in question.  

"Ok, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, 
handing over a bag of bills.  As she does so, her lawyer starts
banging his head against the wall and moaning.

"What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president.

"Oh, he's just upset.  Poor loser if you ask me.  You see, I 
had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the 
President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon