The Kaleidoscope of the Mind



In the three hours phone time it took the other day

To focus on those things which had caused sway

We covered quite a few bases and tickled fancies

Even though it finally did make us both a little antsy 



But one of the things which soon became apparent

Was your inability to keep things as they were spent

We spoke of your dislike for "faux jazz" in earlier chat

And in this conversation you actually referred to that



After I said - had you mentioned it then, I would've changed it

Later, in the same chat, you referred to this as tho' at your visit

But even though I would have been happy to, had I then known

This reference occurred days after, right there, upon the phone



Yet, somehow you had taken it in, and then collapsed time

Making me feel I had become involved in just a pantomime

And then, later - when we spoke of something quite different

You referred to it as though we had discussed it with intent



During our face-to-face meet ... but this had not been the case

In fact - it only had just been referred to during this fast pace

And yet you placed it - right into a much earlier time frame

Then you used it as reason for you to take off without blame



Yet - it could not have been anything to do with that, back then

For you only knew about it - as we discussed it in this chat, when

We went over carefully all of those things you cared not a wit for

In my makeup, as you continued to downgrade me deep in my pores



And the more we discussed it all - the worse it got ... 

Until I was exasperated - under collar, really quite hot

Everything I used - to try and clearly clarify the situation

Became a lever you used to close the door on our elation



I was knocking my head against the wall for all of three hours

Twice as long as the face-to-face meet at home which was ours

And everything I said became a knot which you tied ever tighter

Until the rope burns did singe my skin and I needed to be lighter



And so we called it off at just about the moment you opened a door

But - by the time it happened - I was too worn out to even explore

I know now there are some major things you chose not to address

And feel strongly you will need to do this sometime in order to bless



Yourself with a better understanding of who you are, and what you want

Because failing to do so - will leave you in a state of confusion and bent

If you do not deal head-on with the elements which so obviously disturb

You will be forever in a state of flux no matter who you deal with, perturbed



And you need to also sort out the kaleidoscope which is within your mind

For the way you collapse things is really disturbing - and makes you blind

To the good things which are happening - both to you - and all around you

Open those eyes and deal with them honestly and straight-forwardly, too



You cannot go around accusing others you meet as being unable to love

Because they are too intense in everything they feel ... and so this glove

Doesn't fit so well on the hand which you use to stoke fire to burn embers

Just because you cannot keep things straight in your head and don't remember

  

Others can love with an intensity far beyond that which you feel is in your eyes

For they breathe it out through their pores in everything they do - all things they try

When you can bring this same kind of total and complete expression to the table 

Then you just might be in a position to converse and show me how well you're able



To use that ever-raging fire which burns so hot way deep down inside of you

To come to terms with who you are, what you want, and live a life without blues

But you will never do this as long as you shift responsibility away from self

And continue to sit complacently high upon your well-covered interior shelf



So think about this carefully and please do consider well all of the options here

For there are some which are worth consideration once you've gotten over your fear

But you need to untie your very own unique knots to unravel the rope around your neck

Which chokes you so and keeps you from addressing the real issues, which, I suspect



Are more to do with YOU than they are to do with me ... for even though I'm not perfect

I know I am not so terrible a person ... for I am of good character and have many checks

Upon myself through my ability to communicate, and thus have much, worth great respect

If you cannot see it - then it is yours, and not - my character - which then becomes suspect.





Copyright Christopher W. Thomas

4:25am Thursday October 9th, 1997