Subject: Hammers and Mash
From: Christopher W. Thomas (
Date: Wed June 2, 1999 at 4:16PM

Hammers and Mash

Birthdays today are for just a few
But some are veterans of the news
Including Mike Hammer (Stacy Keach)
Whose show went on hiatus, as he breached ...

England's drug import laws, a few years back
And then had to serve some time, losing track
Never-the-less, after doing his penance
The show came back, with a vengeance

But the momentum it had right when it began
Had been curtailed, so it became an also-ran
Which just goes to show there are no real winners
When you deal with drugs, for they'll have you for dinner

Also sharing today's birthday cake ...
Are one or two others, for whom shakes
Were, and are - the things that make them tick (tock)
Including The Rolling Stone's drummer - Charlie Watts

And Sally Kellerman - Hot Lips in the original M*A*S*H
Who showed her all, when Hawkeye made a mad dash
Stripping the tarpaulin covering the ladies' shower
Revealing a tall lanky natural blonde in all her power

Who now does voice-overs for New York investment firms
Clearly shaking a stick at the unjust way she was confirmed
But, having made thirty-some-odd films in the interim ...
Since that zany film made her show all of her skin ...

And another hammer also shares the limelight
Composer Marvin Hamlisch - who's quite bright
And has been known to compose music off-the-cuff
Just based on a televison studio audience's "stuff"

Then - on the "mash"ed side - there's Dana Carvey
Whose impromptu comedy style has been hearty
Giving us characters which have remained in our minds
Parodies of so many clear stereotypes of humankind

And actors Charles Haid and also - Jerry Mathers
... Who began television life as "the Beave" in practice
And Joanna Gleason and also Gary Grimes
Who loved Jennifer O'Neill in other times

The two of them together making Summer of '42
One of nineteen seventy-one's most memorable do's
And another veteran actor who also composes
Max Showalter (who'll top this list, one supposes)

And William Guest - one of the Pips with Gladys Kight
Merril Bainbridge - who makes everything sound right
And Nikki Cox - a young soap-opera actress
Rounding out a few of the birthday-blessed ...

- Tristram

Christopher W. Thomas
2:55pm Wed. June 2nd, 1999


The Hammers:
Stacy Keach (Mike Hammer) - 58
Charlie Watts (Stones drummer) - 58
Marvin Hamlisch (on piano hammers) - 55

The Mash:
Sally Kellerman's 62nd

Max Showalter's 82nd
William Guest's 58th
Charles Haid's 56th
Jerry Mathers' 51st
Joanna Gleason's 49th
Dana Carvey's 44th
Gary Grimes' 44th
Merril Bainbridge's 31st
Nikki Cox's 21st