Subject: Express Mail Nailed
From: Christopher W. Thomas (
Date: Tues Jan 5, 1999 at 7:56PM

Sent a card over the holidays using the Post Office's Express Mail

Accepting fully the guarantee the card'd be delivered without fail
The very next day, it should have been (at least that's what they said)
But then - come to find out today ... the U.S. Mail is really full of lead

For the first attempt to deliver was one day AFTER the day it was for
Card had been mailed on the 30th ... for next day delivery, what's more
And so the Post Office not only had been a slouch over the holidays
They had charged me almost twelve bucks for nothing, and I'd paid ...

But today, they had to eat their guarantee as they paid off this mail user
Who'd very carefully approached them and offered them quite a chooser
I'd give them the price of one stamp, in exchange for a full refund repaid
Or ... they could give me a full credit towards one more, not to go astray

Well, after verifying the facts and finding they had, in fact, been at fault
They had me fill out a few forms, signing here and there ... using salt ...
To rub into my wounded pride, with apologies generously overflowing
And then I walked out of that post office, with my face ... all a-glowing ...

- Tristram

Christopher W. Thomas
7:42pm Tues. Jan. 5th, 1999